Introducing Your Kids to Someone New-Some Simple Tips
Written by divorce3 on July 15, 2008 – 11:06 am -Introducing Someone New to Your Kids After a Divorce
By Joseph Devine
For anyone involved in a divorce, this can be a painful process that takes time to fully get over the whole ordeal. Many people who have been through a divorce can have many things that need to be dealt with before that person is able to get back into the dating scene again. Once you have gotten back into that scene, you might just end up finding that person that you could see yourself falling in love with. If you have found this person, the first thing that you may be worried about is introducing this person to your kids.
Dating after a divorce can be a hard thing in itself without the pressure of having to introduce the person to your children. The first thing that you should consider when you are going through the process is to pick a time that will be comfortable for all of the people involved. This could be a family barbeque or just going out to dinner. Make sure that you keep the lines of communication open both between you and your children and between you and the person you are dating. Being honest is the most helpful thing you can do for everyone in a situation such as this one. If you are also close with your ex spouse, you might want to make them aware that you are now dating someone new and you are thinking of introducing this person to the kids. Although you are not married, it is still a sign of respect because you both still have children in common with each other and just want to look out for their well being.
The next thing that you need to consider is talking with your kids about meeting this person before you just set up the situation. You need to hear out their fears and concerns before you set anything up. If they aren’t comfortable with meeting this person you are dating yet, don’t force the situation. If you force the situation to much, there can be hostile feelings toward you and the person you are dating in the long run. You need to make sure and remember who is going to be your top priority in this type of situation. Communication can be the most helpful thing you can do with everyone. Remember, when the time is right things will happen naturally.
If you or someone you know needs help with their divorce case, contact the Denton Divorce Lawyers of Alexander and Associates at http://www.denton-divorce-lawyers.com
Joseph Devine
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joseph_Devine
http://EzineArticles.com/?Introducing-Someone-New-to-Your-Kids-After-a-Divorce&id=1279493
Posted in Uncategorized |
August 29th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Joseph,
I am assuming when you say “introduce the person to your children” you mean telling the children that dad likes someone else like he used to like their mother. Am I close to right? So what should I make of a guy who has not “introduced” me to his child in this way after 2 years? The child and I have spent a good deal of time together, because his father and I work for the same company. But still the man has not formally told the child about the nature of our “relationship.”
This “introduction” seems overdue, but apparently the guy has his reasons for continuing to keep the true nature of relationship a secret from his kid. Oh well, seems I’d better cut bait at this point. Live and learn..no harm, no foul. I just waited too long to read your blog!
Your mentioned “everything a divorced man must endure.” Well, I’ve gotta say, trying to date a divorced man (especially one with kids) is no picnic for single-never-been-married woman.
September 6th, 2008 at 4:18 am
purity,
First, Joseph is not the owner of this blog. His article was merely used here, so you aren’t likely to get a response from him. I’m not the blog owner either, but merely a participant as you are. As a single dad with three children who were always in my custody, I can tell you that it’s not uncommon to tread very carefully where the children are concerned, and I found it much better to date women who had children because we were operating with the same priorities. While it does make it more difficult to work around schedules if both have children at home, I found there were less conflicts and feelings of guilt (’sorry dear, I can’t go out tonight because Johnny has a ballgame…’)
With your situation, however, it sounds like you’ve had fairly extensive interaction with your man’s child, and perhaps have become quite fond of him/her. I think the fact that you do know the child and interact with him does constitue an introduction. I certainly don’t think Mr. Devine was saying that you need to be introduced as a potential marriage partner. After two years though, I would expect your guy to give you some definite idea as to where he thinks the relationship is going. Sounds like you need to ask him. If he’s still pining for his ex or doesn’t want the kid to feel he’s replacing Mom or simply isn’t in love with you, then you have a valid concern about continuing the relationship. You don’t mention the child’s age, but in my experience, and based on things I’ve read, children between the ages of 7 and 11 have the most difficult time dealing with the introduction of a new partner. But whatever their ages, when you date a man with kids, particular one who is dedicated to them and correctly has them as his top priority (after all, THEY were the ones most damaged by the divorce), then you definitely enter into a different world from that of dating childless men.
Good luck, whatever you decide.