What Makes a Man Divorce His Woman?
Written by divorce3 on June 4, 2008 – 4:36 pm -This is both an easy and a complex question. It could get ugly in this diatribe, so back out now if you can’t take it. Of course if your wife was / is a bitch, in every sense of the word, and not just because you think so, than a divorce is very understandable. We only live once, and what would your life be like, what would be the value of it if you stayed with such a woman? I can tell you it would be meaningless and downgrading to you. These marriages have every right to be terminated. Hopefully, if you have kids, you and not the ex-bitch get custody. No one wants their kids raised by a mean mom.
Many people think it is crazy for a man to ask for a divorce when he has a decent wife and is raising a family and life seems so easy and flowing along into the future. But there is almost always more involved than what is seen by the public. Life in a comfortable family where love is barely present is tough for many men. All men, at least to my knowledge, crave good sex and physically attractive females at some point in their life. This varies in time. Some men crave this into their 50-60’s and others only crave it to their 40’s. For others it may stop once they are married. You cannot throw all men together in one basket. A huge problem in marriage that goes unmentioned many times is the lack of desire that occurs when a man’s wife becomes unattractive due to age or because she just doesn’t care if she is attractive (being comfortable in marriage). For most women this isn’t as much of a problem since they find personality in a man as attractive as anything physical. This is a volatile situation. Too many people, especially women, are assuming that the husband will be forgiving and not care that much if his wife is not as attractive as she was. Some of that is true, but not all of it. Almost all men I have known go through some mentally tough times when they realize they aren’t that physically attracted to their spouses any more! Many times the wife never even knows this is occurring. This is a larger problem than you imagine and it is worse when men have attractive females they work with, or see regularly. Increasingly many men will daydream about past lovers and it can even become mentally all-consuming.
The simple fact is, if the husband is still horny regularly, but his wife is now unattractive to him (many times through her fault), than his eyes and thoughts will wonder. He doesn’t want to have to ”self-fufill” himself constantly. It is a point of tension in many married lives, and it must be recognized as a legitimate problem sometimes leading to a man asking for a divorce.
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September 6th, 2008 at 4:35 am
I don’t know that women are any less concerned about physical attractiveness than men (at least my experiences with internet dating indicate both sexes are looking for physical attraction), but I totally agree that both women and men who let themselves go after marriage are the perpetrators of false advertising. When we fall in love with a person, there is generally an element of lust involved as well, which, for me anyway, is based on her attractiveness to me. If she would start to gain weight after marriage, then she is not the same person I fell in love with. Obviously, I think we need to all be tolerant of the natural affects of aging, but contrary to popular belief, that doesn’t have to include weight gain. I think we all owe it to our partners to maintain our physiques as much as possible, without being fanatical about it. I often get angry at seeing wedding pictures of brides and grooms who are at least 50 pounds lighter then than they are now, especially if only one of them has changed. By the same token, if you weighed 250 pounds when you got married, then I’m not sure you should be losing 100 lbs either, since that’s not who your partner was attracted to. Bottom line, with the exception of accidents and diseases, I think we owe it to our partners to be the person they married, both mentally and physically, for the life of the marriage. Naturally there may be things like pregnancy that temporarily change a woman’s shape, but most should be able to return to something close to their pre-pregnancy selves with a little effort.